LET ME BE A FISH

LET ME BE A FISH
June 18, 2011

Today I am a Fish swimming in the One Who sustains my life. I am surrounded by Him. I breathe Him. I am in Him and He is in me. If He were not, I would no more be alive than a Fish stranded on a sandy beach under the fiery gaze of the Sun.

But this morning I walked around, panting for a breath of God, as though I had indeed been cast mercilessly upon some alien shore. My heart begged for some sign of Love, some sign that I had not been abandoned.

How many signs must I be given? The lilacs are sending their sweet scent upon the wind. In the gardens up and down the block iris, purple and white, are unfurling their silken robes while the poppies and the lilies are preparing to burst forth in a Halleluia Chorus! Everywhere I rest my gaze beauty and life are exploding into being.

This afternoon I walk the railroad track that runs along the hillside above my house. Two streams are tumbling down from the folds of these hills that climb up from the Lake. As the track bends around the woods to the trestle, I catch a glimpse of the harbor below me. I stand and breathe the chilly wind and the lilacs for a space of time in which I am lost. I leave my fear and my wounded pride and my desperate pleas for Love there, in the pile of taconite next to the track. I turn for home, walking the six blocks on the rail, one foot carefully set before the other, and then the next, and then again…

I am absorbed in the moment, in this simple act of walking gracefully balanced on the narrow rail. I only fall off once. My heart is light again. I am awake and I am breathing God—as the Fish breathes Him in the water. I have been all the while—even when my head was bowed in such deep agony of imagined loss and abandonment.

I am well. I am whole. I am strong and beautiful and healthy and filled with vibrant energy and vitality. I carry light and knowledge. These are not silly affirmations to trick myself into believing happy lies. This is truth. The lies are the insidious beliefs that find footing in my mind and send roots running deep into my heart—the way the Snow on the Mountain sends it’s tangled roots running all over my garden. It is the Lie that croons a lullaby that pulls me into unconsciousness—into the nightmares where I forget who I am and from where I come. Truth casts away the anchor and I spread my wings and fly—I take the sky—I live, breathing the breath of God.

How is it that I so often exchange this Truth for the Lie, this freedom for the nightmares that wound and bruise, rip and tear until there is no beauty left? Indeed, what foolishness to exchange goodness and grace for suffering and hate.

Today, let me be a Fish swimming in the One Who sustains my life. And tomorrow, and tomorrow and again the tomorrow after that.

TWO FRIENDS WALKING A STRANGE ROAD TOGETHER

TWO FRIENDS WALKING A STRANGE ROAD TOGETHER
June 10, 2011

Last night I heard you with my second ears.
No, I think they were my third ears;
the ears that can hear what the
heart speaks softly under the stuttering speech
of the mind.

I heard your sorrow for your inability to merge your life with another.
It wasn’t about “me”, you said. You have never partnered well, you said.

I heard your admission that you ignored Wisdom
when you promised whatever was necessary
to convince me to be your bride—
things you knew you couldn’t do, or didn’t want to do, or be.
I heard your grief for hurting me
because you deceived me in order to get what you wanted—
at the expense of what I wanted—
eventually at the expense of what you wanted.

I heard your longing to be released
to live your life as you need to live it.
I heard your desire not to hurt me,
even though you know it is impossible for this not to hurt me.

I heard Love whispering when you told me
I am the best friend you’ve ever had—
the only one ever to have breached the walls.
I heard your silent plea that I not withdraw this friendship.

We were two friends walking a strange road together.
There was a sign that said DETOUR.
Your instincts said this sign was not meant for you.
Your path led straight ahead.
You ignored the small print and took the detour.
I read the small print and saw that the detour did not include me.
My path led another direction.
I didn’t believe the sign; I took the detour with you.

Here we are, many miles later, full circle back to where we began;
where our paths diverge.

We are two friends who have walked a strange road together.
You gave me a time and a place to heal; to come back to my Self.
I challenged you to find who you truly are.
We are learning to see through the Eyes of Love.

I release you to follow the path that is set before you.
You extend your hand in friendship.
And Love flows through us—cleansing away the debris
Left from the wild tantrums of our Egos.

We are two friends walking a strange road together.