CATCHING UP

June 30, 2014

CATCHING UP

I made a commitment to myself to work on one blog a week (and hopefully post it) this year.  Ah well...best laid plans and great intentions and all that.  Actually, in May, I did work on 3 additional blogs besides the one I posted.  But I got hung up.  Not exactly writer's block.  I was writing furiously.  More like I couldn't say clearly what I wanted to say.  I am told that it is important as a writer to be willing to write badly.  Okay.  I'm willing to write badly.  I'm just not willing to allow others to read my bad writing.

I finally abandoned one of the entries and deleted it.  The second one is still pining away in my draft box.  The third one I really want to share with you.  But I have to find a way to do it so you won't all think I've finally lost my tenuous hold on reality...that or quit reading in the middle because it's just too damn many words.

Here's how it starts:
"Who Is Your "Inner Critic"?  My "inner critic" is also known as my "Ego".  And, for purposes of helping me to learn, my Ego has taken on the form of a Tiger and his name is Jack.  So I suppose the bigger question is: WHAT is your "Ego"?  Or perhaps, WHO?" 

Sorting through all our cultural and religious explanations about what our ego is, getting to know my Ego and finally negotiating a cease-fire with this very intrinsic part of myself has been a fascinating journey.

How about this, I'll tell my story if you'll tell me yours:  What or who do you identify your Ego and/or Inner Critic to be?  Write me in the comment box here...or email me at maryskillings@mac.com.

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So, really, if I count the three posts I worked on in May, two of which still languish in my draft box, I was actually still on track with my blog commitment until June arrived hugging the skirts of May.  The first week of June I journeyed back to Duluth from Chicagoland after spending nearly three months there helping my daughter with her family after she went back to work.  Weeks and days with new baby Rowan, born in January, and newly turned four-year-old superhero Morgan.  It was quite the adventure!  

So was coming home.  I left early summer in Chicago and was transported a month back in time after a mere 9 hour drive north.  I traded 70 and 80 degree weather for 40's and 50's, some 60's and on two occasions, 70's.  But that's okay.  I wilt when it gets hot.  I'm a true northerner.  Although when I had to turn the heat on one day I thought maybe that was getting just a little ridiculous.

My house felt strange.  My routines all forgotten.  The house and garden were begging for attention--but I had no energy to clean and dig.  I worked at my writing but my brain was full of fog.  So I went to the Lake and read some books and visited girlfriends and went fishing and ate great food prepared by my husband.  (His latest invention being a wild rice/chicken/mango/ginger-garlic-sweet onion/herb mixture grilled on (in?) a large portabella mushroom...drool).  Slowly, I settled back in.

And now I'm back to work.  I have had to answer the question, "What do you do?" quite frequently lately.  I am unapologetically responding that my current work, my job, is writing.  I don't know why I was chosen to have this gift and this calling...I am humbled and honored and full of gratitude that I get to do this.

And if sometimes the words are powerful, if a little grace, a little love, a little light shines through and sets off a spark or a smile in my reader...I am content.

So...to work.